Clarity

Clarity

I am not sure if I’m writing these blogs to clarify part of my life, to pass on the wisdom I have acquired as I have gotten older, to help clarify and ease part of others’ lives or because I just like to ramble on and on, I’m not quite sure. Or perhaps I am. I do think as you get older that the nice part is that you get to see the big picture better and you understand things more, things are much clearer in your mind as to the purpose of why you are here and what you should be doing and clarity comes in so many different ways throughout your day. First thing in the morning about 5:30 or quarter of 6 I walk up to get the newspaper, depending on the time of year the sky is always amazing, right now the stars and the little thumbnail of a moon look like they have been cut out of a deep blue piece of paper and they sit in these amazing formations for you to look at and you feel so tiny compared to what you are looking at…that time of day is so amazing because it is absolutely quiet, the air right now is clear and crisp and it just makes you feel so alive to be in the middle of all this. There is another clarity through your day that you know that the problems that occur can be solved. That the issues that at one point in your life could be so dramatic now provoke a small smile because you know that you have been there and done that and all will be ok. You hope that the people around you understand that the calm that you radiate is because you have found some clarity in your life, an understanding and faith that at the end of each day, if you are lucky enough… the next day you get to wake up, walk up to get the newspaper and see an amazing array of stars in the sky.

Anniversary’s

Two remarkable things happened this week or should I say more remarkable than the things that happen every single day because just waking up is a remarkable thing. All right so I’m getting off topic, on Wednesday the 12^th it was my 30^th anniversary. The gentleman that through no planning of anybody’s, came into my life 30 years ago is still the person that challenges me every day to be aware, to think, to continually learn and the nicest part is he appreciates how smart I am. And for a woman that means a great deal. You know how in school in order to be popular many times you have to dumb yourself down a little bit and no one told me that but, somehow I knew that you just couldn’t know the answer better, or play the game better or just be a better person than the guys around you. And even today the majority of business and organizations are mostly men. I was at a luncheon where a woman who had spent 35 years doing remarkable things in her life who is now at another stage doing remarkable things was introduced by a gentlemen who read her resume basically and then paused so everybody in the room thought the introduction was done and then a few seconds later he adds this last note “And she’s a smart gal too”  I wasn’t sure if all the women in the room appreciated what that meant but I thought, from the list of things on her resume it was sincerely inferred she could not have gotten there without being smart. So, to have a man by your side who thinks it’s fine if you’re the smartest thing in the room is a gift.  And, the other anniversary that I have to tell you is that on the 12^th this wonderful gentleman and myself went to the Groton airport to see three World War II planes, the B24, B17 and the P51. I thought of how appropriate on our anniversary to have an anniversary to honor the ladies and gentlemen who made these planes, who were on these planes, who were descendants of people who gave their life on these planes. It was wonderful to see so many gentlemen with their sons of all ages proudly taking picture by these planes and conveying not only with their lips but with their eyes the memories they had. The weather was absolutely perfect that day, the skies were blue, there was a little bit of breeze and when the planes were preparing to take off, it looked as if everybody stood at attention to honor these proud piece of medal that had held together to keep our serviceman safe. There are only a few of them left in the world right now just like the few veterans left from WW2 and who knows when there will be a chance to see these gentlemen or these planes again. But I do know that I was deeply touched by the fact that perhaps unlike other people this was a wonderful way to spend 30 years together in something that honored our country and our citizens and made us even smarter by being there.

The Stress of Picking Out Clothes

The Stress of Picking Out Clothes

I just read an article about President Obama that he has cleaned out his closet and only has grey suits. He said he did it because it cut down on the stress of decision making first thing in the day; with all the important decisions that a president has to  make... that should not be one of them and it does take away from the decisions you have to make later. I thought that was so wise to do and so organized but as a female I don’t know that I could do that. No matter what I pick out or think about the night before that I am going to wear, it is never the same in the morning. At the end of my day I feel one way but the next morning…. the way the day feels, the weather, the way I feel really does determine what color I put on, what style I wear and how much effort I want to put into it. It is like fungshui, you know how you feel when you walk into a room, it doesn’t feel quite right; things are not placed in a certain way or they feel out of balance well,, that’s how it feels in the morning, I put on different clothes but it just doesn’t feel right. I’m not sure why but your body and mind seems to know it just doesn’t work and the rest of the day your body seems to be off balance. I do not know if anybody else feels that way I certainly do and the older you get you are more in tune with your senses… to pick something in the morning so that you are more comfortable and ready to take all the decisions you have to make and the world at large. So, while the president’s idea is wonderful to have all grey suits… I just have what suits me.

Tuesday

Tuesday

 I do not know what to say today… it’s Tuesday…somehow I feel like that day is like the Rodney Dangerfield of the week. It’s not in the middle, it’s not the end it’s not a weekend, it just gets no respect… just hangs in waiting for the next day to come. I have to tell you for over 20 years every Tuesday afternoon we would swim in the Mystic Educational Center’s pool, it was a heated therapeutic pool with lots of chlorine and in the winter it felt nice and toasty but in the summer it was like having a house on the Amazon river. But, it was one of the only places that many of our students could be successful. When their legs didn’t move on land they were able to move in the water, the heat relaxed their muscles and their joints and they were such at ease, sometimes even falling asleep with their vests on, it was a wonderful place an equalizer, a place that everybody could have a chance to be the same. So for over 2 hours we would listen to good rock and roll music and move through the water effortlessly. This was always the student’s favorite place to be. We as staff I do not think appreciated it quite as much and probably after we die, if they do an autopsy they will find chlorine ball the size of a basketball in our stomachs…20 years of chlorine is a long time. So that’s my Tuesday story, it was the best and worst of times.  I’m sorry that it closed because it offered so many people that do not have a chance to participate equally in a sport, a chance to do so.  So when you think of Tuesdays, think of it fondly with a smile and a really nice memory and all the 100’s of students that moved through there.

Mondays

I know this is contrary to popular opinion but I really do like Mondays. When there is a holiday on a Monday my whole week is thrown off.  When I come back on Tuesday, I still think it’s Monday..  It is such an important day when you are fortunate enough to have weekends off. I know how many years I worked two and three jobs and never had a weekend off and used to envy the people on Friday that leave and come back Monday morning.  I used to think two whole days together leaving on Friday coming back on Monday, what a luxury that would be. So finally when I was able to just have one job…finally… Monday and thru Friday and had a weekend off, I looked like my dog does when they go outside and roll in the grass on their back and look like it’s the most wonderful feeling in the world. Or the first time you sit on the most incredible mattress in a fancy hotel with a down comforter.. the feeling of luxury and just complete contentment, you just can’t wipe the smile off your face and you can’t believe that any one is so lucky to have 2 days off in a row. I think in the beginning I squandered the time because I was not use to having that much time, now it seems like there isn’t enough time to get everything done before Monday comes.  How forgetful and greedy we get after having such a good thing for so long. But nowadays I feel really guilty, I have so many friends that worked for companies 20, 25 and 30 years who are part of layoffs across the country and would give anything to have even one job, even if it was 7 days a week. They find themselves with too much time right now and through no fault of their own the world has changed so quickly and so tremendously that we just can’t keep up and fathom why. So this is why I like Monday mornings, it reminds me that I still have a job, I still have a purpose, I still have a place to come too that provokes my creativity, keeps me on my toes, pushes my brain to the limit and makes me want to jump up and down on that highly plush mattress and comforter and scream YES thank you thank you thank you!

First Day Of School

The last time I went into this blog it was the first day of spring. So much has happened since then now it is September and a whole new school year is starting. As I mentioned to the staff at The Light House, on Aug 27th, the feelings I had about the first day of school… I always remember being so nervous the night before and not sleeping well, getting up early, my mother would have breakfast all ready, brand new clothes and brand new shoes that pinched your feet, they were always to tight. They always looked shiny and new, you wanted to scuff them up because when we went to school, there were no sneakers, flip-flops or sandals, just hard shoes. So it was always so uncomfortable and when I think of it that apprehension of getting on the school bus again. As you entered the school you would smell and then see all the shiny waxed floors all the bulletin boards were nicely put together, the teachers were all prepared and we always had to sit in assigned seats. So I always knew the person who would be sitting in front of me alphabetically and the person who would sit behind me. As nervous as I was about the new teacher and new expectations I think I really liked the structure and sameness of school. And then there was always after school, we would go to change our clothes, that was a must, go outside and run around forever and then go in and do homework. It’s funny no one had to tell us that, we just knew what we had to do. We did all of this without any technology, everything was hand written or on a typewriter and there were no books online, there was no online. I think how fortunate the students are today to have the access to the whole world at their fingertips. And I can’t even imagine what their children will have in the future because there is so much left to do, so I start the new school year as if I have another chance to start over even though I am an adult now.. I still feel that same way in September that I have another chance to do better and be better..accept weekends, no reading, no writing on the weekend…that is not good…just time for me.

The First Day Of Spring

The first day of spring reminds me of all the firsts in our lives.  Today is the birthday of my sisters first and only child. I know how long she waited for a child. She was so careful about everything she ate, drank and did. As she got larger and closer to her due date she called on our sister that had already had children to alleviate any fears. My sister and I were living nearby in Gaithersburg, Maryland, since her husband had been transferred there from Delaware. Everything was going perfectly. I was close if she needed anything, while her husband traveled for his company and she was not due until the first of April. So, I went to Connecticut to visit our mother on the 15th of March, for a week. My brother in law went to Connecticut at the same time for a weeks training. My good friend, Dotti, who was single and had no children was our on call person in Gaithersburg I am sure you can guess where this is going. The baby did not know about our perfect planning and her due date. We forgot to clue her in to the plans. Early morning on the 20th, my sister called  to say her water broke. Oh, crap! There is nothing we can do from Connecticut so Dotti is called. Dotti rushes over to my sisters apartment in a panic. This is the first baby for both.  Now the fun starts. My sister decides to take a shower..Dotti is screaming "Are you crazy? We have to drive to Bethesda to your hospital in rush hour!" My sister thinks there is plenty of time. She cleans up, dresses  and packs while Dotti wrings her hands and paces., because she knows what rush hour is...bumper to bumper traffic and back ups for miles and miles. Finally they get into the car. Dotti speeds off to get onto the beltway. Every time my sister had a contraction, Dotti would scream "I'll drive down the grass, just let me know...I'm on it!" Dotti hunched over the steering wheel and weaved in and out of traffic at warp speed. She kept saying, "I'm not delivering this baby....NOOOOWAY. I cannot stand the sight of blood. I'll pass out. PLEASE do not have this baby now." Slowly they made it exit by exit and a short hour later they arrived  at Suburban Hospital, Bethesda Maryland. Dotti pulls up to the emergency room yelling we have a pregnant lady here and the baby's coming! Hours later my sister is still having contractions. Much stronger,painful ones..ones that could have forced her to kill anyone asking her HOW ARE WE DOING! Dotti is amazed that after her Daytona 500 baby run that morning,no baby. So she leaves for work. Later that evening my brother in law arrives and so does their first and only child...a girl. So the first day of spring has many wonderful memories, but this one is always the first and best on the list ,even now 32 years later.   P.S. This is also my first blog! A new memory to add to the list.